you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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