The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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