im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize