I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
