i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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