there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
