i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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