well you can't waste a boner
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
