I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
