DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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