think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
