There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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