EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize