you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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