If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize