Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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