i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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