Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Randomize
