I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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