college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
