I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
