look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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