Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
