you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
