these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
