You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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