Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
