At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
