She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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