Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
