note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
