hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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