Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
