He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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