Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
