then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You are the jesus of drinking
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
