oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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