I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
