i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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