I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she peed on how many people?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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