so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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