So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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