Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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