All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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