I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
