my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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