My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
