I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
