i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i dont even know how to be here
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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