I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
