you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
do nipples grow back?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
