At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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