i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
