no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
