Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize