I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize