U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
