I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
