Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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