i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
