my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
