after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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