Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
