Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm at about main and main street
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
