dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
