she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
