u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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