well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
