note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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