K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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