Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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