"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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