Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
