New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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