There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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