I wish I only lived at night.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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