its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize