My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
