He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think pants incapable of making pants work
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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