i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
