Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think my vagina is haunted
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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