im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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