He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
