hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just found puke in my bra..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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