I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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