I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
