This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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