1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
