I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
