I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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