I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
