I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
