I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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