i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize