I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize