Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
