i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
