you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
