And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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