Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
