I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
