1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
