so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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