he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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