Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
