I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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