If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
