I could make wine with my vomit
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
