i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
