i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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