he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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